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Britain’s most notorious prisoner, Charles Bronson, did not disappoint viewers on the first day of his public parole hearing – delivering a series of outrageous one-liners as he determinedly fought for his freedom.
Bronson, who spent nearly 50 years behind bars, joked that he ate “more oatmeal than Goldilocks and the Three Bears” in his opening speech to the parole board sitting at the Royal Courts of Justice, adding: “I’m sick of it. I’m fed up with this, I want to go home.
The infamous prisoner appeared at the trial via video link from the maximum security HMP Woodhill in Milton Keynes, and the press and public were invited to follow the proceedings via live streaming.
He repeatedly said “I got bored of it” after his legal representative asked for a break.
And he groaned “We’re going to be here all fucking day, aren’t we,” after the panel took long pauses asking questions to his prison crimes manager.
Bronson told the panel, “Give the man a break.
“We could sit at this table until a cow jumps over the moon saying the same old c**t.
“I’m just an old man who wants to live on.”
The 70-year-old appeared to be sipping a small carton of juice through a straw.
He briefly stood up and asked for a handkerchief before informing the court, “I didn’t fuck.”
He also said his signature glasses were essential after seclusion made his eyes sensitive to light.
“Don’t think I wear these glasses for sinister reasons. My eyes are blown away by the light, he said.
He also revealed how he had “been betting for 50 years” and won £1,500 last year.
He tried to persuade someone outside the prison to place a bet for him, telling the panel, “We all love betting, boss, come on.”
The prolific inmate said he was a “retired prison activist” but earned most of his time in prison.
“Of the 50 years I’ve spent in prison, I probably deserved a good 35 years … but I’ve been naughty.
“Not ‘naughty, naughty’, but naughty,” he added.
Bronson revealed today how he changed his name from Michael Peterson for “tax purposes” when he started boxing during a brief period of freedom.
He was initially imprisoned in 1974, but was released from prison in 1987 at the age of 34.
However, after only 69 days he was back behind bars and was sentenced in 1988 to seven years for robbery.
Bronson said at the trial, “I lost the conspiracy in prison,” adding, “The only thing I knew was the violence.”
He told the trial how he slept in “cages” and “boxes” and spent “40 years of my life in solitary confinement.”
Describing one incident, he told how he stripped naked and “greased”.
“I took half a pack of Lurpak with me, undressed and experienced the bang of my life. It was fucking brilliant.
Recalling how he participated in protests on prison rooftops, he said he enjoyed “every one of them”.
He then held 11 hostages in nine different sieges, including casualties from governors, doctors and, on one occasion, his lawyer.
Referring to a prison art teacher he held captive for three days in 2014, Bronson said, “You were my best hostage, you’re the only one who didn’t fuck.”
When asked about the prison governor’s post-traumatic stress disorder, Bronson replied, “That was 30 years ago and I’ve since left.”
But he said Governor Adrian Wallace “was an asshole, is an asshole, and will die an asshole.”
In the same year, Bronson changed his name to Charles Salvador, in honor of his hero Salvador Dali.
He wants to be known for his art and poetry, which reflects the life he led in prison.
And he revealed his methods of dealing with negative feelings.
“When I’m in my cell and I get a bad letter or something happened or someone was nasty or something, I can now sit in my cell and switch off and go inside myself with a deep breath.”
But he added: “Sometimes people push, push, push, take ass, it’s blatant ass-taking, and some people need a spanking, it’s that simple.”
Bronson recounted how he had previously been placed in wings that were “cold, empty and bloody brutal” – but now prison cells are more comfortable.
“I have a TV in my cell, I can’t believe it,” he said.
However, he said that unlike other prisoners who have their own beds, pictures on the walls and amenities like CD and DVD players, he likes to know he woke up in his cell.
“I don’t want my cell to be a furnished studio apartment…unfortunately, today’s prison is full of fairies,” he said.
Bronson was the first inmate to formally request a public hearing after the rules were changed last year to remove secrecy surrounding the parole process.
He swore “I’m coming home” after finally getting an audition date last month.
The trial will continue on Wednesday, but the third and final day will be held behind closed doors on Friday.
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